someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
