A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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