I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
