your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
