every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There r osticjed everywhere
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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