I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
