Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
