Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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