I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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