is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
