Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
