Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
