btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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