I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
