Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
