i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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