Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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