i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
