Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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