i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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