this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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