My first STD was from a foam party
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
