even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
