I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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