If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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