i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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