Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
FUCK WHALES
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
