spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
