And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
