Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
