Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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