The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
