a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
