i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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