i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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