Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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