Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
