I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
