ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
