sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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