well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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