question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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