i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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