Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
false alarm. still invincible.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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