Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
