You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
