five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
