If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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