Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
