I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
