Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
