I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
