If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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